Friends List Suckage
Warren Ellis just deleted his entire Facebook friends list and blogged about it. He’s complaining about the same thing I’ve mentioned before, though I haven’t made those complaints about Facebook specifically. He says:
“…the more “friends” you allow on your Facebook list, the more unusable Facebook gets.”
This is something I’ve been saying about Twitter. Other than playing a few games with a few of my friends I really don’t use facebook at all. The poking, linkspaming, constant updating and everything else does a pretty good job of making Facebook useless enough as it is, so I kind of just use it to see who I know and how I met them. The social timeline is the best thing on there I think, as only people I actually know take the time to fill out when they met me. That said when I get requests by people I don’t think I’ve ever met or talked to or heard of, and we’re connected by ZERO people, I generally decline. Twitter on the other hand I use all the time and keeping the signal to noise ratio in check is important to me. That’s why I think all this “reciprocation” shit is horsecrap. I’m supposed to not be able to see what my friends are up to, not use the service for what it was created to do, because my page is full of updates from people I don’t know but I’m afraid I might offend if I don’t follow them just because they are following me? I don’t think so. I know at least 5 people who have secret Twitter accounts so they can follow only their friends while following everyone and anyone on their main account so as not to come off as rude. That’s totally bullshit. I really think that following more than 150-200 people (depending on how much some of them post) makes the site either a massive timesuck or totally useless. I’ve mentioned before I’m adding and removing people all the time based on where in the world I am, and where in the world they are as there are some people I only need to follow when we are in the same town. Additionally there are some people I don’t follow but do read their pages on my own simply because they are too active and push off all the updates from my other friends. That’s a divergence from the point I was trying to make, which actually Warren makes to:
“…people add me just because they’ve seen me in other profiles…”
This is one of the main reasons I quit MySpace initially, and Friendster, and whatever else. I hate feeling like a trading card. Some people join a service and rush out to make sure they have all the right people on their friends lists. There are people I’ve never talked to, never messaged with, never met on any level who list me as a friend on every service I’m a using. I’m not at the point of deleting my friends list and starting over like Warren, like I said I don’t use Facebook the way he does so it doesn’t really interfere with how I do use it, but this is obviously an issue that future SNS will need to address. Twitter is on the right track by allowing people to follow you that you don’t follow yourself. Maybe Facebook should do something similar.
“Twitter is on the right track by allowing people to follow you that you don’t follow yourself. ”
One of the early SuicideGirls.com designs had this feature and it was brilliant. Once they switched to the reciprocating friends list, life would always be a little bit worse.
I’ve found the recent explosion of Twitter Karma and people claiming to friend all the followers annoying and you found the words to explain it.
I follow who I follow, if people find me interesting then follow me. Fantastic. I’m flattered, but it doesn’t get an automatic follow.
I know I agree. My personal theme is ‘Thinning out the numbers’. Sometimes, people constantly send tweets without stopping. I’ve done it with an iTunes script, but cut back substantially. My personal rule is to follow my Flickr contacts. You don’t have to add me to your contacts…unless you or I want to give a testimony.
We need to cut back on all this (channeling Merlin Mann) ‘meta, meta interruptions’. It’s an anti-social way of thinking we’re socializing. Leave all your electronic gadgets home. Go outside, go meet someone or learn something new.
Hold the door for the people behind when entering a store and as they enter greet them with ‘Good…(morning, afternoon, or evening)!’ with a smile in your heart that shows on your face.
Excuse me for the rant, but it’s true. Myself included.
i concur! i only log on at facebook about once a month because it’s so hard to sift through all the detritus and see what people i care about are doing. and i only have 11 “friends”!! as far as twitter goes, it is totally silly that people get their feelings hurt when someone doesn’t reciprocate the “follow”. it’s impossible to get through hundreds of peoples’ tweets quickly, and really, isn’t that the whole point of twitter? quick in and quick out. anyway, i really enjoyed this topic, if only because it makes me feel good that someone else out there echoes my sentiments.
Seriously, I’ve had people I’ve never met or talked to add me on Twitter, then e-mail me saying they added me but noticed I didn’t add them back and demanding that I add them right away, and when I explain, nicely even, that I really try to only follow people I actually know they call me an asshole and tell me they are going to stop following me. I mean.. What?? Really?!
but those are exactly the people who should go fuck off!
I agree that twitter works best when you don’t strive for false reciprocity. It’s only the private twitterers where the interface requires reciprocation, but there still is that social pressure you allude to. I don’t expect everyone I’m following to want to follow me. Some are just people I find interesting. And I’m rarely going to add strangers just because they’re following me. I may check them out, though. And if they seem interesting, who knows. But I feel no obligation.
“…people add me just because they’ve seen me in other profiles…”
I did the same with you, and the more I follow, I am glad because I like the information/ intellectual stimulation you pass along.
I think we may have met years ago at a SG function before I left there, but maybe not.
I left Friendster and committed “Myspace-acide” once for a lot of the reasons mentioned above, but came back in a limited capacity because with some friends it is the only way to get a hold of them. They will check that before they check email or voicemail.
I do like the option of not having to reciprocate the friendship. I also like the Twitter aspect of being able to reply and get replies from people not on my follow list, but not being able to get direct texts. This cuts out the wanna-be hooker/porn star spam email/ texts.
As for Facebook, I am their mainly for Scrabulous and the occasional Dolphin Olympics game. I think a rematch is in order, as you finished strong last game.
This is brilliant! From the first day that I used social services I was never one to automatically reciprocate my contacts on places like Flickr and Twitter. I routinely go through my contact lists and add and drop people after I think about how much I interact with them. These are my services and I want them manageable.
But apparently I am one of the few that feels that way and I know from recent experience that people can get mighty offended if you drop them or if you don’t add them.
Thank you for this post. I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels that way.
I pruned my Twitter list a few months ago back to only people I’ve actually met in person. Twitter feeds for blog sites that just post links are my personal pet peeve — if I wanted that, I’d subscribe to your RSS feed!
I’m also leery of following more than 150 or so, mostly because I do want to read and watch and respond to what my actual friends are up to. That the “replies” and “track” features now let me catch notes from others whom I don’t follow means I don’t have to freak out that I’ll miss any invitations to wild orgies or whatnot (not that I get any, but still).
Meanwhile, Facebook’s just getting far too creepy, and after already deleting my MySpace, Friendster and Tribe accounts I may just remove myself from Facebook as well. If old friends need to find me, they can always use Google search (and they have).
What’s nice about Twitter too is that you can “follow” people, but turn their notifications off.
Not that I do that, of course, but it’s a lovely, secret way to manage Twitter friendships.
what i dig about twitter is that I can turn off updates from people who aren’t in town, or who i don’t talk to very often. I think it solves the whole “i don’t need to know what you’re up to but I feel the need to add you.”
Apart from that I think everyone needs to trim their lists now and again. We need Friendlist Purge Amnesty Day – one day that if you take me off your list, i’m not allowed to take it personal and leave a shitty comment on your blog.
You sounds like you want all these damn kids off your lawn.
You are too young to be an grouchy old man…
For me, it’s a mixed bag.
On MySpace, I usually accept requests from people I’ve never met if I’m intrigued by their profile…and I’m glad I did because a friend I lost contact with after high school found me via him being a “friend” of someone who I approved because I liked their profile. But I don’t automatically approve everyone, and I know there are people I’ve put in “friend” requests to just because I found their profile interesting, and for whatever reason they never added me. And that’s ok.
Same with Twitter. I’m flattered when someone follows me, and I’ll follow them for a bit, but if it’s too many senseless twitters, I won’t hesitate to stop following them.
I’ve found a lot of benefits to memberships in these various social networks, but it can easily become a information overload situation. So I don’t get bent out of shape if somebody doesn’t follow me. Like I follow you on Twitter because I blog for MB, but I don’t think you follow me. Whatever…we move in different circles and have different needs out of our social networking. The whole point is to use these tools like Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, etc. in ways that work for us as individuals. We can’t be worried that someone else might get bent out of shape about it.
Are you reading my mind?? You must be!
I killed MySpace Sunday night due to way too much spam. Facebook I may update once or twice a month. I use the ignore button most of all.
As for Twitter, I have 24 people I follow. Most of them are local Denverites that I personally know or know thru friends. The several remote Twitter friends are friends I have met in the past or will meet this year.
Have decided not to have more than 25 on my Twitter list. Not to sound like a snob but I feel the quality will suffer if I follow more than 25.
In the beginning I did feel a tad guilty about saying no to follow requests. Don’t feel guilty about it anymore, tho.
It’s all about the quality! And really, I am so not a snob
For clarification. Yes, I follow Obama. Yes, I hope to meet him this year when he comes to Denver for the DNC
I mean, I agree, and yes there are moments where I add people on Twitter, and I have never met but I ground that in the basis that I like what I’ve read by them, like you for instance. The rest of my friends on Twitter are with that in mind or I’ve actually met them. I’m pretty close to deleting myspace, because when the proprietor of the site starts spamming you with messages for Viagra, I think its time to eject it. So I use Facebook for people I actually know and met but Myspace, really, for networking I guess. Does this sound objectionable?
I am with you the general worthlessness of facebook – I find it kid of cool to see what my friends in London are up to – when I check it occasionally but other than that… Personally I’d say it’s the most overhyped internet property of the decade. Twitter on the other hand is pretty cool – I just wish more genuinely interesting people used it – Artists,writers,revolutionaries,professional humans, Dian Fossey types … a little variety mixed in with the the San Francisco digerati echo chamber.
Seriously,
Everyone is all eeeeee! Facebook!!!!
I find it to be ugly and overly complicated by default.
It’s also different every time I do my mandatory monthly login to see if anything interesting is actually there.
There never is. I delete a bunch of crap application invites, because if you want to block them…….they get to access all your data anyway.
Can I post a bulletin to my friends? Apparently not, I tried two different ways and neither worked.
I like my Myspace better. I hope they don’t get too caught up in becoming just like FB.
Dan
I ticked off a woman I don’t even know the other day when I cut my Twitter follow list down from 250 people to 88. First, I dumped people I had no idea who they were. Then I dumped people who hadn’t updated in the past week, followed by people who hadn’t updated in the past month. News outlets and I had no use for. And so on and so forth. It’s my Twitterspace, and I need it to be sureful for me, not for Joe Blow Aroundtheblock.