Don’t you know who I am?
You know what they say about that question, “if you have to ask…”
I was recently on a panel discussion, and at the last moment the moderator said that since he couldn’t find appropriate bios for everyone on the panel that he wouldn’t be introducing anyone, but instead asked each of us to spend a moment introducing ourselves to the audience. This is essentially the worst thing I can imagine happening in a situation like that because I hate talking about myself. Really, it’s one of my least favorite things in the world.
The other people sitting with me spent a good 60-90 seconds rattling off their merits and accomplishments and explaining to the audience why they had any business being there. When it was my turn I froze and I think I said something like “Hi, I’m Sean Bonner and I’m a blogger. I blog about a bunch of stuff.” and left it at that. Later on Tara asked what the thinking behind that introduction was and why I didn’t mention any number of things that might have wowed the audience. I didn’t have a good answer for that, I didn’t have an answer I would have been happy receiving anyway.
This is hard to explain and talk about because it doesn’t even make a lot of sense to me — it’s not like I want to lead some secret existence that no one knows about. Quite the opposite, I want to do things that everyone knows about, but I don’t want to be the one to tell them. In some respects I think if I have to tell people about who I am and what I’m doing then I’m not doing things as well as I should be and I’d be better served shutting up and working harder. I’m sure some of this stems from anytime I see someone talking about themselves I assume they are just patting themselves on the back, part of it is that the people I really admire I do so because of what I’ve seen them do and never what they’ve said they do, and some of it is certainly that I just don’t think I’ve done anything worth bragging about.
To make this even more confusing I’m actually embarrassed when I meet someone for the first time and they do know who I am or something that I’ve done. So what the fuck is my problem? I’m sure a lot of this is based on how put off I am when I see someone else talking about themselves and I never want to have someone make the assumptions about me that I do about those people. I guess to some extent I feel that I have two choices in these situations - give out too little info and let people find out the rest on their own if they are interested, or give out too much and be a boastful self promoting dick. I always opt for the prior and when pressed can’t determine what amount of self description would be appropriate.
Which brings me to the point of wondering what I’m even getting at with this post, assuming I eventually hit publish. It’s been sitting in my drafts folder for 3 days now, a drafts folder I created only three days ago and thus making this the longest time between when I’ve written something and not posted it right away. Maybe I’m over thinking this editing thing, and maybe I’m just really uncomfortable with this topic. Maybe both. I promise I’m not writing this to brag about how modest I am, which is what I feels like to me. It’s something on my head that I’m trying to work though. Maybe I’ll be able to, maybe not, but all I can do is try and somehow writing about it seems like a good first step.
6 Comments, Comment or Ping
jm
“Quite the opposite, I want to do things that everyone knows about, but I don’t want to be the one to tell them.”
I’m the same way. I’d really like to be able to work and keep the focus on the film, art, what have you, and have people know about that so that my fictional storytelling and so forth is shared and successful but no one really need know much about me. I hate talking about myself. I’m not that interesting to me, frankly.
Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way and it definitely doesn’t start out that way. Part of my journey in filmmaking and media has been continuously learning to unflinchingly tell my own story, and enjoy it, as well as develop a vocabulary for who I am (even if who I am is a person who doesn’t like to say who I am). In this busy world, why would anyone care about what you do or who you are if you don’t care who you are and what you do?
DNC/RNC speeches are basically the same thing; the candidate telling their story. We require it of others so we have to require it of ourselves, I suppose.
I’ve found that focusing on my projects and talking about those/tracing my history by project, which I am passionate about, allows me to accidentally talk about myself since the work is so large a part of me.
But yes I feel as though I’m constantly running for office and everyone wants some sort of biographical sound byte pitch. I think you can accomplish who you are without conforming to all that nonsense.
The problem is that the people worth knowing about won’t do this sort of talking because it’s counterintuitive, whereas the useless people will do it without any prodding. See beginning of this essay: http://www.benjaminhoffauthor.com/
I came to the conclusion that it’s better to give people a chance to like and know you. On the flip side, some fool’s always going to think you’re a dick anyway, so may as well go big and give them something to cry about.
Sep 18th, 2008
Fuzzz
I don’t think you are alone in this. Considering the industry, there are more than enough shameless self promoters out there.
Sep 18th, 2008
Will Campbell
Nothing personal against the other panelists or what I’m sure were amazing credentials, but anyone spending more than 20 seconds — tops! — introducing themselves is a blowhard. While your intro might have included an additional salient point or two like “I just bought a kickass motorcycle” or “I tried to get my broken Macbook fixed in Orlando” it was otherwise perfect.
Sep 18th, 2008
Clintus
I’m sorry, who are you again, and how did you get into my Google Reader?
Sep 18th, 2008
Casey McKinnon
Just another reason to love you, Sean. In fact, in one of the first Democratic primary debates, all the candidates were introducing themselves as “Hi! I’m [Name], the next president of the United States!” All except one… when it was his turn, John Edwards said “Hi! I’m John!” (goofy smile). It made me love him… a humble and sweet man, who cares about larger things than his own ego. [*Ahem* let's pretend his affair never happened, shall we? ;)]
Sep 18th, 2008
Rose White
I think your response was actually kind of brilliantly self-deprecating, even if you gave it because you felt awkward.
I’ve often wanted to respond to a bio request or a “what do you do?” question with some variation on “um, I do…stuff….” I tend to be afraid that I will start babbling about what I’m working on, and that I will see the other person’s eyes glaze over, and I’ll feel awful.
It doesn’t help that my recent ex characterized writing conference proposals as “self-promotion” — he really knew where to stick the knife in. I think I’m still bleeding from that comment, and my ETech proposal is due tomorrow/today!
Back to your quandary — I think that given what makes you feel uncomfortable, for now it’s okay to stick with giving a little less self-description than you are “entitled” to, letting the other person find out more about you in conversation, or afterward, or however. I think it would be worse to feel more awkward because you feel like you are bragging and being a jerk. (It’s not exactly bragging when it’s all true, though….) Good luck!
PS — I have bought my first bike, an adorable 3-speed vintage Italian folding bike, in super shape. Bright orange.
Sep 18th, 2008
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