I’ve been doing the 750 words project. This was today’s entry, it’s 779 words. I’m posting it publicly to hold my own feet to the fire. And because I need my ass kicked.
What are you waiting for? It’s not going to get any easier. There are no brilliant ideas that are just waiting 30 more minutes to jump into your head. Everything to have to say is there in your head right now, just waiting for you to type them out. So what are you waiting for. Fucking write already.
It’s easy to blame the distractions. Twitter. Facebook. Email. They are all a short command+T away, but that isn’t the problem. You are. You let those things get in the way. You are the one who chooses to look at something else. You are the one who lets the page stay empty while the day ticks away. The world will never stop for you, it’s up to you to block it out when you need to. If you don’t, it’s no ones fault but your own.
I started this 750 Words project because I wanted to force myself to get in the habit of writing every day. I’ve missed more days than I’ve completed and no matter how much I want to do it I still need to talk myself into it each and every day. Today marks my longest consecutive stretch of writing each day and it still took me until 9:50pm to find 30 minutes to write this. And I’ll face the same battle again tomorrow.
I should be doing it every morning the moment I wake up. I shouldn’t let myself do anything until I finish but I’ve achieved expert level procrastination. I’m a excuse magi and can justify magical levels of putting-it-offy-ness. But I have to fight through that and do it.
I’m the only one I’m doing this for, so I’m the only one I’m letting down by not doing it. I’m pretty OK with disappointing everyone else, at least I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am who I am and I can try my best but even then I can’t be sure someone somewhere won’t be disappointed, hell maybe everyone will be disappointed but that’s just the way life works. But I can’t disappoint myself. I can’t let myself down. If nothing else, at the end of the day, at the week, at the end of this whole life, I have to be able to look back and know that I did my best and know that even if I fucked up, even if fucked up huge, I tried to fix it, I tried to do the right thing.
Right now that means even though I haven’t written every day since I started this, I’m writing now and I have to keep at it. I have to make amends for not writing. I have to accept that I blew off several days, and try to make that right by not blowing off any more. I have to do it for me. Be cause if I can’t do one thing a day for myself, especially something as simple as finding a half hour to write 750 words then what is the point?
There is no reason to do something if you aren’t going to try and do it for real. Why start a 750 words a day project if you only plan to do it every other day, or once a week? Why set yourself up to fail? Do or do not. There is no try. If you aren’t going to actually do it, then don’t even bother.
If you are going to do it, then fucking do it. No excuses. No exceptions. No wiggle room. Just write. Every day.
This is the conversation I have with myself almost daily. I had it when I was working on the book, the book that is still half finished collecting dust. I’d write every day, and then miss a day, and then next thing I know I’d have missed a month. Then months. This 750 words project is my bootcamp. I’m going back to basics and teaching myself routine. It doesn’t matter what I write, I just have to write. 750 words every single day. To get in the habit. And once that is nailed, and I can do it without fighting with myself all day. Without the rest of the world stealing my attention. Then I can worry about what I’m writing and then I can worry about writing something good and then I can worry about writing something that I want to publish. But I have to like it myself first. And I have to write it myself before I can like it. So that is the task at hand right now. Every day.
Write motherfucker. What are you waiting for?