Shadowboxing

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I just wrote the stupidest blog post in the history of text being transmitted across the internet. Seriously it was a nightmare of epic wtfness. What’s worse is that I wrestled with it for hours. Hours! I was thinking about it while walking around yesterday and started typing it up last night and then hit a wall and thought I’d go to sleep and clarity would hit me and then I could polish it off and post it in the morning. I woke up still stumped but I forced my way through and turned it into something that at least had some kind of clear start and finish then then I went to have breakfast and came back to reread it and wanted to punch me in my own damn face for wasting a second it it. Or at least on the approach I was taking. Delete!

Because I know I’ve piqued interest now and I don’t want to leave anyone flustered wondering if what I’d written was dramatic, or somehow impacted them, or what I’m hiding I assure you it was none of the above. It wasn’t a big tell all or anything scandalous. The post was about how isolating being in Japan can be, but in a good way. Good for me anyway, I can certainly see how what I feel when I’m here could be interpreted as loneliness to some people and it might bother them, but I really enjoy it. I talked about how not understanding the chatter around me, being ignored by marketers, having only the most basic of conversations with employees at establishments etc means that there are almost no distractions inside my head, the only conversation is the one I’m having with myself all day long. It allows for some fantastic focus and clarity.

And at the same time because I do have a network here, people and place I know and enjoy visiting it’s almost like my own personal secret society. There was much more to this and I rambled on with a bunch of useless references and then I realized how masturbatory the whole thing was and that’s when I killed it.

Trust me, it’s much better for both of us this way.

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2 Comments »

  1. I think it sounds interesting. I’m fascinated by Japan, and more importantly, what your life is like as you globe trot. I don’t know anyone else who experiences the whole world as much as you and Tara. Hopefully the people who are actually interested in what you have to say won’t be knocking you down for writing something that feels personal or “masturbatory.” Fuck the other people. One thing I love about this blogging renaissance is that the herd of people who I used to think about every time I posted an entry have (in my mind) evaporated. I imagine myself writing to a much more intimate audience, which has (at least temporarily) made me much less self-conscious about what I post.

    Comment by shane — January 12, 2013 @ 8:54 am
  2. Thanks Shane. But rest assured it wasn’t concern for what anyone else might think of the piece, I covered the main parts of it in the post above, it was my own critique of what I wrote and realizing that – maybe, just maybe – everything I spit out isn’t golden. How I was writing it was such a stretch that I had to admit it was bullshit. I’m not very good at pulling punches anyway. But you’ve inspired me to maybe dive into a bit more about what I see out in the world. We’ll see..

    Comment by Sean Bonner — January 12, 2013 @ 1:38 pm

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